HOW TO OVERCOME LONELINESS

There are two particular times of year when the number of suicides in Britain rocket. These times in particular are Christmas and Valentine's Day. The reasons should be obvious - during the festive season of Christmas many people will visit family and friends, often in many parts of the country, but not everybody can do this, since many people either cannot get back to visit relatives and friends, and others simply do not have relatives and friends to visit.

It is at these times that people can feel lonely and isolated, because so many others are having a great time, whereas many others are left on their own.

There are, however, a number of things a person can do to combat loneliness, and ensure that such times are limited to the very minimum of occasions.

If we are going to overcome loneliness as much as possible, not just at festive seasons but also throughout the year, then to begin with there are certain facts which must be faced up to, though for some this will be far from easy. You might say what gives me the right to advise you on anything? The simple thing is experience. Do you sometimes feel so lonely and isolated that you are considering suicide? If you are know that I have been in that same place myself.

One of the hard facts is that, if we really are lonely, then one of the things we must face up to is that nobody wants to befriend a person who pushes themselves onto other groups and does nothing but moan about how lonely and unfairly done by you are. Maybe it is true that you have been treated unfairly, but you have the choice every morning whether you are going to put on the persona of sadness or cheerfulness.

Maybe at the moment people avoid you and do not appear to want to speak to you, but when they see a huge smile on your face and hear you talking to others about subjects that are important to them, and even sharing the occasional joke, then if you keep this up things will soon change for you. People will want to get alongside you when they see you cheerful and having a joke with others. It may not happen immediately, but sure enough this change will most certainly come about.

Maybe you feel you are wearing a mask when you do these things and that these things are not the real you, but most people wear a mask (so to speak) to stop people seeing their true selves, so if it works, why not do it yourself? Most people either have mobile phones or phones at home these days, sometimes both. There are plenty of people who would really appreciate a phone call from you now and again. Don't wait for someone to phone you, phone them and chat about the subjects they wish to discuss.

If you join a voluntary organisation that has places around about where people can drop in for a coffee and/or a chat, then you will soon feel better when you realise that you have gifts and talents which are very valuable to society, such as helping somebody to fill in a form to claim benefits for example.

If you get together with them over a coffee and find out what is important to them, and how you could give helpful advice to them, you will be doing a very special and good service. Not everywhere is a soup kitchen, so if you get to know a person in the way I have outlined, then why not take them to have a meal with you, going dutch (each paying their own bills) of course.

There are several places you can take them to, quite a number of cheap restaurants around many cities in the country, where buying a meal which is sufficient for your needs can be done at a cheap price, and where you will be served hot food, though perhaps most places will only serve you bread and soup, this can be a very satisfying visit, both as far as the food is concerned and also from the point of view of bringing a friend along with you.

One of the saddest things about life today is that there are so many organisations, employers and places where you can feel greatly undervalued, and having a feeling of not being wanted in society and in employment can contribute greatly to feelings that cause people to consider suicide, whereas the truth is your experience of life is greatly to be valued, and many other people can benefit from your experience if only the opportunity is given.

I know what it is like to arrive home with nobody there to talk to, having received no phone calls or intelligent e-mails and having nothing but bills come through the letterbox whenever the postman is passing by. But there are organisations who can and will give you help if situations like this overwhelm you. If you have a television, why not compare your knowledge with contestants on the multitude of quiz shows there appear to be on almost any one of the main five channels.

Things may not change immediately or overnight, so to speak, but keep doing these things and you will soon find out how valuable your experience is, and how you can use it to help other people in their situations. Give these things a try. I did and it certainly changed my life for the better, and most likely the same thing will happen to you - you will feel like you are living in a different world, a world where it is worth living, and a world where you can get satisfaction.

If you are technically minded, why not volunteer to teach people how to feel comfortable using a computer? There are thousands out there who would benefit greatly receiving help in this way, then you will not only be making life better for other people, but you will certainly be making life better for yourself.