WHAT ABOUT LONELINESS IN THE CHURCH?

What can the church do for lonely and isolated people?

Well, in many cases, it is the churches themselves that create loneliness for the people in their congregations.

It was some years ago that a visiting speaker came to the church I was with at the time and, before the minister introduced him, we were told that he had a special word from God for everyone on this Mothering Sunday, incorrectly referred to now as Mother's Day. (Mothering Sunday is a Jewish festival celebrating the Mother City Jerusalem - the heavenly one, whereas Mother's Day is a purely commercial enterprise invented in the early 19 century.

Much of the congregation listened with anticipation and wonder at what was about to be said. When he got up to speak he told the gathering (60 percent men and 40 percent women) that this is how God can make you a better mother. The single men walked out after five minutes, closely followed by the women who had been told by their doctor that they can never have children.

After these had left the women in the congregation who had just lost a child through miscarriage walked out, which amounted to 75 percent of the congregation. Just how insensitive is it possible for a preacher to become?

Here is another example of insensitivity that happens many times in the church. An average congregation will consist of young people (student age) middle aged people and elderly people.

It is a good assumption that at least some of these will be single and seeking God to provide them a life partner. God Himself says in Genesis chapter 3 that it is not good for man to be alone. So what did He do about it? He made Adam a partner suitable to be a helpmate to him. How many times have you heard a married minister advocate singleness so that we had more time and less worry to serve God?

Why is it always married men who advocate singleness? Is marriage really that bad? How many churches do you know who refuse to ordain people as Deacons or Priests unless they are married? Ironically there are churches who will not make a person Deacon or Priest unless they are single.

In Matthew chapter 19, Jesus says "This is why a man must leave his father and mother be joined to his wife and the two become one flesh". From this whole passage it is obvious that Jesus is saying that most men will be expected to marry unless they have a particular calling of God requiring them to stay single. The only conclusion that you can draw from this is that if a minister advocates singleness he is not speaking God's heart or word.

God says in Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone - well either it is good for them or it isn't. Some would say well you have God in your life so you are not alone. If you read your bible you will see that Adam had God in his life, yet God still said it is not good for man to be alone. So what is he supposed to do - move in with another man? I think not.

I have been to many churches in my time and found that almost without exception if you attend a morning or evening service nobody will welcome you or ask your name, and if you look at the church programme you will find that most of their meetings are intended to be for married people, which if you are already lonely and seeking a partner of God's design for you, your loneliness will be greatly accentuated.

Not very long ago I was in a church where they had an idea which they put into practice from time to time, and that was to take communion in families, which only made the single people even more left out of things than before. I pointed this out to one of the leaders yet they continued to do it. After telling the leader how it made a single person feel I simply walked out when they said they were going to do it.

Jesus wants His church to become a place where the lonely, broken hearted and hurting people can come to be healed - not made to feel worse than they did before they came through the church door.

There was a time when a young couple would use a row in the church like many have used the back row of a cinema, on the same evening a man came in who had the day before lost his wife in her young years by death from a terminal illness. I wonder how he felt when seeing inappropriate behaviour in the church.

If you want to show your affection for your spouse the proper place to do it is in private not in the back row or even the front row of a church.

We must consider other people and how they might feel, and then do everything we can to make churches more welcoming, not off-putting.

Having been to many different churches in many parts of the country, I am blessed to be able to say that none of these things happen where I currently worship. We are a gospel teaching, welcoming, inclusive church - one I would recommend to anyone seeking to get right with God and sort their lives out.